An Adventure in Cania
by Jack Nief the Mighty Thief
Summary: Tereena and her cohorts have died and gone to hell, and need to find The Reaper's True Name to get back to Waterdeep! R&R please!


DISCLAIMER- Although I own Neverwinter Nights, Shadows of Undrentide, and Hordes of the Underdark, I do not own any of the characters, other than Redhawk and Tereena Tereenia. Hmm..maybe if I could find the CEO's True Name, and force him to give it to me! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!  
  
....Nah. Too much work involved.  
  
An Adventure In Cania  
  
Well, it's funny how some things turn out, huh? First minute I'm called from my warm throne in Tereenia to Waterdeep. No problem there, happens all the time. Oh, by the way, I'm Queen Tereena Tereenia, ruler of the Dragon city of said Tereenia. Along with Jack Nief, Mighty Thief. Next thing I know I'm fighting for a rebellion against some bitch who stole my armor and stuff called "The Valsharess". That means "Empress" in the Drow tongue, apparently.  
  
Now, instead of fighting me right off, she tries to get a demon to fight me for her. Mephistopheles. Ah, but big red decides to kill off her Red Sisters, and pit the two of us against each other.  
  
Guess who won? Yep, I kicked her "Valshar-ass." People who try to fight me probably shouldn't say they're gonna kick my behind unless they can back it up with having the actual ability to do such.  
  
So, anyways, Meph is unbound, and says that he'll be taking back the Relic of The Reaper, which apparently was his, and send me to a little place in Hell called Cania.  
  
Perhaps saying he'll only get it when he pries it from my cold dead fingers wasn't a very good idea.  
  
Damn Mephistopheles.  
  
So here I am in Cania, kind of dead. However, it's a little colder than I imagined it would be. In fact, it's SNOWING..  
  
The Reaper told me that if I were to find his true name, I might be able to get back to Waterdeep. It wouldn't suck as much as I thought it would, 'cause I got my crew back:  
  
Deekin, the funny little dragon-winged bardic Kobold companion;  
  
Nathyrra, the magic wielding silent footed Dark Elven assassin;  
  
Valen, the Teifling with enough strength to smash a Bebilith's armor plated brain in one blow.  
  
And two new additions to the party. One Aribeth de Tylmarande, the dead Paladin Blackguard half-elf lady who died somewhere in Neverwinter...my keen persuasive skills helped her continue the Way of the Pally. Jack told me about her, and how she turned evil for a little while. He didn't say how she died though.  
  
"Maybe she kill herself? Depressed people sometimes do that. One time kobold in cave get so depressed he actually ram head into wall. He not die, but he get very big headache and complain for long time."  
  
Deekin, are you reading my narrative again?  
  
"Umm...maybe?"  
  
Well...don't write anything about this. It's MY narrative.  
  
"But boss! You not bard like Deekin! Maybe Deekin could writes it for you?"  
  
...Tempting, but no. Besides, aren't you writing 'Hordes of the Underdark'?  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
Anyways, the other addition is a monk named Redhawk.  
  
"Ooo! Ooooo! Deekin not likes him! He mean to Deekin before you come along, and he scary looking now!"  
  
Quiet, and stop reading my narrative. As I was saying, Deekin met up with Red after we got separated in Undrentide, and after it crashed into the ground, collapsing like dominos. Apparently, the guy used Deek more as a stress reliever than a henchman. When Deek and I finally got back together, Red decided to piss me off by beating the hell outta Deekin. This proceeded to get him stabbed by my big freakin' gold sword. So not only is he dead and paler than usual, he's dead, paler than usual, and the not-so-proud owner of a gigantic scar just underneath his ribcage. Deekin keeps telling me he's always shooting threatening glares at him.  
  
"It true! His glowing red eyes makes him much scarier!"  
  
We learned where we can find the Knower of Names from the Sleeping Man. We just defeated one of the three remaining guardians.  
  
And so...our adventure continues...  
  
Tereena felt another heavy gust of wind approaching.  
  
"HEADS UP!" She shouted, as she dived behind a large rock. "WIND COMING OUR WAY!"  
  
For the past forty-five minutes, Tereena had been shouting such warnings at different intervals in time. Those who had an IQ above that of a raccoon quickly dove for cover. With good reason. It was cold enough without the wind blowing every now and then. The guardian that they just recently killed didn't help either. It's hard to hide from the nerve numbing wind when something else keeps pulling you out of your little hiding spot.  
  
When the howling wind stopped, Tereena tried to remember what it was that forced her to go on this frozen tundra Death Trek.  
  
Oh yeah, she thought. I'm dead. I need to get the Reaper's True Name, get back to Waterdeep, and stop Mephistopheles from wreaking havoc...  
  
Damn Mephistopheles.  
  
Tereena debated cursing Mephistopheles for killing her and her team, but ultimately went against it. Cursing Mephistopheles now would only be a waste of oxygen, since Cania was on a different plane than Waterdeep was. Suddenly, Nathyrra jumped up from her hiding place behind the mutilated Guardian, holding Velox Berries in her hand.  
  
"I GOT IT!" She screamed cheerfully. "OUR FREEZING PROBLEMS ARE OVER!"  
  
She popped two of the berries into her mouth. This idea turned out to be a tactical error on her part, as soon as the popping fire berries could be heard, she was already shrieking in pain, running around in circles, with Redhawk pointing and laughing at her.  
  
"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" Nathyrra whined with difficulty.  
  
"We're not laughing at you," Redhawk chuckled. "We're laughing with you."  
  
"I'M NOT LAUGHING!"  
  
"Meh, then I guess we ARE laughing at you. But damn, that would be even FUNNIER if the horned freak did that.." He turned to see Valen, who was right next to him.  
  
Redhawk's head was suddenly forced into turning sharply due to the clenched fist with rammed itself into his face with Valen's consent. Redhawk collapsed onto the ground.  
  
"Horned freak am I?!" Valen said while attempting to bring a boot down upon the monk's head. Redhawk rolled out of the way, promptly going into a crouch and delivering a solid punch into Valen's jewels. Valen doubled over, his face soon being on the receiving end of a knee smash.  
  
Meanwhile Nathyrra began to eat the snow as to cool the inferno within her mouth. Aribeth walked over, sighing.  
  
"Perhaps this is the reason people do not EAT Velox berries." Aribeth said, handing Nathyrra a Potion of Heal, cooled by the cold.  
  
Nathyrra whined in acknowledgment as she chugged the potion.  
  
"If things were that easy, we wouldn't be needing to stop at every pile of wood and create a fire." Aribeth pulled another batch of Velox Nettle, and placed it on a nearby batch of logs, creating a small fire.  
  
"Whel, I Thoughd idgh woulgh be a googh ideagh." Nathyrra said, her dark skin turning a little redder.  
  
"You thought it to be a good idea?"  
  
Nathyrra nodded.  
  
"Well, you learn a little more each day, don't you?"  
  
Back with Valen and Redhawk, who are still trying to smash each other's teeth in. So far, Valen suffered a black eye, while Redhawk has a bleeding nose. Which is odd for a dead person, because usually they don't have any blood left in there body.  
  
"I'm gonna rip that scar of yours open and tear your organs out, human!" Valen said, delivering three Haymakers into Redhawk's jaw. Two were parried, the last one hit dead on, slamming the monk into the snow covered ground. He stood up, popped his jaw back in place.  
  
"Oh yeah? Well, I'm gonna rip YOU a new one, goatman!!" Redhawk let out a battlecry and leapt into Valen.  
  
Tereena leaned against a colder-than-hell rock. Too, damn, cold. She thought, shivering.  
  
Damn Mephistopheles.  
  
She would make extra effort to beat the bejesus out of Mephistopheles for putting her in Cania...that is if she ever managed to escape in the first place. She'd also think about beating the hell out of The Reaper for making her trudge through cold ass snow, wearing just a chain tunic, and a short- sleeved leather shirt and brown cloth pants. She'd be sure to bitch about not getting her stuff back in the Underdark. She'd probably complain a bit about how she and Jack were going to go on a honeymoon just before this all occurred too. Yet, she failed to ponder why a being such as the Reaper would give half a damn.  
  
Deekin, however, paid no attention to Nathyrra's burning oral cavity problems, the No-holds-barred fighting between Valen and Redhawk, or Tereena's mental nag-a-thon. He was too busy trying to build a snowman. Unable to find a bloodless area in the snow, he decided to make due with what he had.  
  
He dropped his Shield on the ground, and placed his nearly frosted inkwell and book upon the shield. He began to roll up the powder into two giant balls of packed snow. With difficulty he managed to stack one atop the other. He now had a lower body and torso of a snowman, although they were both bloodstained.  
  
"Deekin thinking building snow people is fun." Deekin said, with a toothy grin. He looked at his work thus far. Stacking anymore upon it would take some time. Looking upon the ground, he noticed that the Guardian had minions that were equally as dead as their master. He walked over, and tugged as hard as he could on one of the fallen slaves' head.  
  
Deekin underestimated his strength (most Red Dragon Disciples tend to do so), and pulled the head, along with a decent portion of the spine, from the carcass. Deekin fell back onto his Red Dragon wings, while tossing the skull and vertebrae to fall over the edge of the chasm, into the bubbling river of lava.  
  
Deekin peered over the edge, into the lava, just in time to see the severed head dissolve into the fiery river. If he wanted to, he probably could have leapt in to get the skull back. The problem would be getting back out.  
  
The kobold decided to go and get another head from another corpse. Just as he reached down, he felt something tickle the inside of his nose. It was a sneeze.  
  
Deekin was unable to hold it back, and let fire and brimstone upon the slowly decaying body. This managed to speed the process up, mainly by barbecuing it. The meat withered and burst into flame, the bones darkened, and melted through the ice, down to the forgotten stones below. Deekin grabbed the skull happily, almost unaware of what his nostril discharge did to the landscaping. It was only when he placed the cooling black skull onto the top of the snowman that he noticed he caught the eyes of everyone around him.  
  
"That was new." Tereena said, looking at the still smoking remains of the dead minion.  
  
"What an odd thing for a kobold to do." Aribeth declared as she looked back and forth between Deekin and his handywork.  
  
"I'll give you 200 gold if you do that to this guy." Redhawk said, pointing to Valen while still in mid-punch. Redhawk's red hair was now blanketed in red snow, and his white skin riddled with open cuts. Valen looked no better, although he only had a black eye, a bloody lip and bent chest plating.  
  
"WHAT?" Valen shouted, looking at Redhawk. And then their fight resumed, along with Aribeth's tending to Nathyrra, Tereena's brooding, and Deekin's snowman building.  
  
Having had no gems to use as buttons, Deekin took out a dagger, wandered over to the remaining bodies, gouged out their eyes, walked back and placed them on the snowman. He picked up broken spears, and used them as the arms. And finally, to top it all off, he dug a horned helmet out from his pack, and proudly placed it on the snowman's brow.  
  
Although he had to do a lot of improvising, Deekin had managed to build a decent (albeit somewhat grotesque) Snowman.  
  
"Deekin thinking Jack Frost be good name for snowman!"  
  
Deekin was only able to bask in his aura of glory for less than he hoped, Valen and Redhawk's brawl moved it's location to the very area where Deekin's snowman decided to be built upon.  
  
Jack Frost's skeletal head flew through the air, soon joining its spine-equipped cousin in the lava river.  
  
The Torso followed, although not as much so. It managed to roll over the cliff, a loud sizzling noise hissing from the river.  
  
The lower body was smashed entirely. Bits of eye and snow fell away, allowing the two fighters to continue their battle.  
  
Deekin looked a little upset of course, but only for a short while. Mostly because of the words Tereena shouted the instant after.  
  
"HEADS UP! MORE WIND!" she shouted, once again diving behind the rock. Nathyrra and Aribeth returned to their dead guardian. Deekin burrowed into the snow. Valen and Redhawk, however, failed to hear the call. They continued their battle royal.  
  
"GUYS! WIND! WATCH OUT!"  
  
Finally, a brutally beaten Redhawk and a more-than-overly battered Valen looked up from their unbalanced kneeling position. From the distance, they saw the wind swirl the swirling snow into a small whirlwind, which quickly and steadily spun towards our heroes. Unable to find nearby shelter, the two warriors latched onto each other and screamed in abject terror. The twister soon flew through the area, engulfing all of the occupants, living and dead..  
  
When the wind ceased, Deekin sat up, his wings nigh frozen from their lack of protection. Aribeth and Nathyrra brushed themselves of the snow. Tereena shook off the snow that blanketed her, screaming many curses at Mephistopheles.  
  
Meanwhile, somewhere in Undermountain, Mephistopheles, while leading his army of darkness through Undermountain, looked to the rocky ground, flapping his great tattered wings.  
  
"I sense the Lady Tereena wants me to be damned...Among other things." He said, stopping and listening to Tereena's now verbal ranting in Hell. His eyes grew wide a few times. "Quite the mouth she has...Foul minded little creature. She must not like Cania." Mephistopheles shrugged, and continued towards The Yawning Portal Inn.  
  
Back with our heroes in the frozen Realm of Cania, Aribeth and Nathyrra stood up, looking at Tereena.  
  
"Those were rather...erm...un-queen like words you shouted, m'lady." Aribeth said,  
  
"...somewhere in the first half of that, you said you were going to shove WHAT up WHERE?" Nathyrra asked, now fully recovered from her Velox chewing.  
  
Deekin opened his book to a completely new page.  
  
"Deekin thinking he writes words down and use them in story...Can you tell how you spells them? Me wants to keep word spelling as accurate as possible."  
  
"Ah," Tereena said, blushing either from the words she shouted or the fact all the blood was trying to keep the cold out. "I...don't think you want to put words like that into your story."  
  
"Ummm...okay! But...what they means?"  
  
"Very bad things."  
  
"Oh. Okay, Deekin asks later then."  
  
There was a muffled cry for help. The team slowly looked at the mound of snow where Redhawk and Valen were fighting. Tereena trudged over, and brushed the snow off.  
  
Valen and Redhawk were holding each other in their arms, their heads held together by the frost. Apparently they were stuck in that position. Anyone who didn't know what was going on, would confuse them for hugging each other.  
  
Needless to say, it was a very humorous sight. Or so Aribeth, Nathyrra, Deekin and Tereena thought due to their hysterical laughter.  
  
"Shut up." Valen said, glaring toward Tereena.  
  
"Deekin thinking he draws something like this on paper." Deekin said, drawing on a clean page in his book. "It gets lots of laughs."  
  
"You do, kobold," Redhawk said through gritted teeth. "And you'll be using your own blood for the next one."  
  
Deekin quickly stopped drawing, and closed his book.  
  
"Milady Tereena..." Valen said, trying to pull himself away from Redhawk. "Would you kindly place some Velox Nettle beside me?"  
  
Tereena stood there, and soon had a sly smirk line her face. She trudged over to Valen, pulled a handful of Velox Nettle from her pack. She placed it next to Valen, popped it, and allowed him to thaw. She did the same thing to Redhawk, but for some reason didn't set off the Velox Nettle.  
  
"Tereena?" Redhawk asked curiously.  
  
"I'm just gonna leave you there until you think about what you've done."  
  
Redhawk rolled his glowing red eyes. "HE STARTED IT! HE HIT ME!"  
  
"Well, you insulted him."  
  
"DID NOT!"  
  
"Meh, in any case, I just don't like you."  
  
Deekin peered out from behind Tereena.  
  
"Deekin not likes you much eithers...!"  
  
Redhawk's eye twitched visibly.  
  
"Eventually you'll thaw out enough to use the Velox yourself." Tereena sighed, turning to the rest of her team. "Well, shall we go?"  
  
They all nodded, and followed her into the cave, leaving Redhawk in the snow. Soon, they'd be able to escape, and defeat Mephistopheles.  
  
Damn Mephistopheles. Tereena thought.  
  
Back with the evil monk, Redhawk twitched again.  
  
"Oh no..." Redhawk said, a worried look lining his brow.. "I have to scratch my ass!"  
  
Well, how's that for my first NWN story? All started with a drawing, go figure. :-P I might think about continuing if people enjoy it. 


End file.
